The Right Answer

凌晨四点 4 A.M
2018年6月1日
消极向生
2019年2月24日
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The Right Answer

所谓正确答案   是你选择去相信的那一个  

这些日子,中央气象台连着发了好几个寒流预警。
最冷的冬日里,不想去温暖的南方。只想在有暖气有阳光的房间,看一出好戏。
想做温室里的花朵,想做家养的猫咪,想做孱弱无力的人类。
不想谈理想自由,因为这可以是终极的自由和最高的理想。
无需锻炼坚强,去抵御不存在的悲苦。任其自甘软弱,来自进化论里的幸福。
用不到的功能,就会自行退化。受威胁的恩赐,就会被迫消失。
非洲的大象,不敢再长象牙。豺狼虎豹,哪有欲望的子弹可怕。

2018年的最后一天了,并不是到了这个时间点,就应该要写个年终总结之类的东西。只是只有这样的时间点,学校和公司都在放假。也就让我有时间,没有犯懒的借口。2018,是我的本命年。有些师傅说,本命年就是要面对大变化的年份。在2017年尾上,我认真地回忆了一下我上一个本命年的经历。不说对2018严阵以待,也至少是必恭必敬。

这一年,的确遇到很多事,但遇到事才发现自己的确早已改变了很多。如果说我妈觉得我真正长大,是我自己开始在北京生活的2010年,那我觉得自己真正成人,大概就是2018年。成为了一个真正意义上的成年人,对世界有了自己应对的方法。不再为一些曾经无法接受的人和事为难自己,毕竟别人可以有自己的选择,而我并不用为他们负担这些后果,每个成年人都不容易,何况还有那么多巨婴。我发现自己真正有了底气,不说自己是最厉害的,但至少也肯定是优秀的。不去逃避和抗拒,放弃了挣扎和挑衅,而是学会了轻松地面对那些喜欢的讨厌的难堪的尴尬的。

在北京温暖的租屋里,断断续续地睡了一整日。
迷迷糊糊地,在梦境和被猫吵醒之间辗转。这让我想到圣诞前去看的如梦之梦。
这是我第四次看如梦之梦,完全是托了五号的福。也是第一次坐在了剧院里莲花池。

开演前我说,我伸一下腿,就可以拌你一脚,他回说,请高台贵脚。
我还记得在798没有暖气的排练场里,这一版如梦第一次的总排练。
每年圣诞都会去后台打个招呼。这也好像是每年仅有的和五号的碰面。
有一年我说我打算去英国念书了,他说他也想考虑一下。旁人问我,为什么不去做戏剧,他说,她啊还是做音乐挺好的。
又一年我申请上了圣马丁的研究生了,那年他去了美国。我问他演了那么多年如梦,到底讲了什么故事。他反问我,我说了一个让他拍案叫绝的答案。
再一年我坐在莲花池里,他是台上的五号。他今年改了点演法,不知道观众有没有发现。他说今年他把我那年讲的答案跟很多演员都讲了,大家都觉得我说的对,虽然导演讳莫如深。

熊浩在奇葩说里引用邓布利多的话说,真实生活里往往不是the right way和 the wrong way的问题,而都是the right way和 the easy way的问题。
但是答案Answer啊,是另一说。有的时候,最简单的,就是答案。所谓正确答案,并不是官宣声明里的,也不是答题册最后那几页上的,而是你选择去相信的那个。
五号说我真的记性太好了,恩,我只记得我想记得的事。

2019年,我要花一年的时间写毕业论文,然后从UAL毕业。这三年的求学,认识了很多人,也打开了我一些心结。刚翻到2012年,第一次去伦敦发的微博。

那次旅行改变了我的人生路径。Life,if you know how to use it,is long。

来吧,2019,Be My Year.

75 Comments

  1. 樊樊樊说道:

    好想在广州看见五号的演出

  2. Meijie Zhu说道:

    2019,可能会是我人生的一个拐点。将心中决定告知他人,想以此坚定决心,总觉得说出口的话,就再没有反悔余地。2018让我又勇敢了一些,希望2019能让我配得上也担得起那个right answer…
    看完文章便想说说心里话,愿fish2019得偿所愿,快乐如常~

  3. 鱼粉说道:

    今年的五号确实不一样,但是讲不清具体那不一样,就是很有气场收放自如的样子,所以你讲的答案到底是什么啊?说一半留一半读者很难受的=͟͟͞͞ʕ•̫͡•ʔ

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